Saturday, January 08, 2005

Mother Nature, I need to have a word with you

And that word is GODDAMMIT, of course!

First you got the yippy weather forecasters all hyped up and excited about the possibility of SNOW! in the greater Seattle area. The local channels started bringing us news updates on the likelihood of SNOW IN OUR AREA! every half-hour. They even named it, of course, because what good is a weather event if you can't have a dorky name for your weather segment--something like THE BIG FREEZE or WINTER BLASTS, complete with animated snowflakes or a shivering cartoon snowman. [Nevermind that our "BIG FREEZE" reflects low temperatures somewhere around twenty-five degrees, which is certainly cold, but hardly a BIG FREEZE. Oh my God, early Wednesday it was 24 degrees, which means we are all certainly going to freeze into solid people-popsicles! Run to Florida while your legs are still unfrozen!!]

Then, after you'd whipped them all into a frenzy of expectation, you dumped several inches of SNOW! on Whatcom county, prompting local news teams to descend on the tiny town of Lynden to record the "ALMOST-TOTAL SHUTDOWN OF CITY HALL" (actual quote). I swear to God, last night one of the weather guys actually reported solemnly, on location, that Lynden was almost completely deserted because of the SNOW!--while cars kept driving calmly along the street just behind him. I wonder how many times he tried to get that shot without any cars in it: "Okay, quick, the light down the street is red, let's do this now! 'This is Kent Brockman reporting live in Lynden, where the snow has already shut down this town--' ah, fuck, where'd that truck come from! Okay, okay, let's try again before that car gets into the shot--I'll talk faster this time--"

Fine, I admit that it's amusing that Seattle's lack of snow forced the local stations, desperate for SOME shots of SNOW! to bolster their failing predictions, to send crews two hours north for some money shots. Nice prank. But the lack of SNOW! for ME to play in is no less disappointing for that hilarity, Mother Nature! I know freezing temperatures are not all that apocalyptic, but they're rare enough here that when it freezes, SNOW! SHOULD FOLLOW. I was really looking forward to my trace-to-two inches, and you held it out toward us promisingly, only to snatch it away in the night.

Winter is far from over. You have a chance to redeem yourself. I encourage you to do so.


a disappointed resident of Seattle

P.S. Some Seattleites may be thanking you right now for sparing them the necessity of driving in the SNOW!. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. What better day for SNOW! could there be than a Saturday? Please ignore them and bring us a good SNOW!fall before March. Thank you.