Thursday, April 21, 2005

Feliz Cumpleanos

To me!

A co-worker took me out for lunch, and on our return I was greeted with a little surprise party she had organized. I really hate being the center of attention, but it was a really sweet thing for her to do. Also, the people I work with are apparently a sneaky and secretive bunch: this is the second surprise party we've had in the last month.

And Mr. Thel's band has released their first CD, So Little Left to See. Mr. Thel plays drums on tracks 1, 2, 3, 5, and 11. I'm told the cool kids all say "w00t" about things like that! It's good stuff, too.

AND, just in case I was looking for a place to store my collection of songs from So Little Left to See, I got one of these for my birthday. Mmmm, tasty. I guess this makes me one of the trendy kids now, so "w00t" again!

You know, people complain about aging, but I should note here that I'm really sort of delighted with the process so far. (Of course it helps my perspective that all day yesterday I got to hear what a "baby" I still am: our director asked how old I was, and when I said, "Twenty-six," she indignantly burst out with, "You liar!" She actually thought I was older, and I take that as a compliment to my competence and maturity since I know for a fact that at least two people have been working there for more time than I have been alive on this planet.)

Seriously, things keep getting better. I keep getting better. I was a nervous, insecure shell of a person in high school, and while college was an improvement I still didn't have much faith in myself. Let's not even discuss the train wreck that was my early twenties, as I skipped along obliviously destroying friendships (granted, I did have help in that process from some spectacularly...ah, unhelpful... friends) and hurting people I cared about. In my defense, I made a few decisions that in retrospect were good and right--but I almost always did so in the clumsiest, least kind way possible. Whee!

But I'd like to think I've worked through a lot of the repercussions from that time. I feel far more solid and confident now than, say, four years ago. Some of it's just blind, stupid luck, of course--I didn't exactly plan to meet and marry Mr. Thel. (Hell, I figured my karmic debt would require payment in years of loneliness after the way I acted when I was twenty-one.) But I've also mellowed out a lot, and learned to trust myself more. I'm told this process continues as one ages, and I look forward to it with much relief. I'm grateful that there doesn't seem to be any cosmic law requiring me to remain mired in my youthful self-doubt and insecurity--that, in fact, it seems the cosmic law tends to try to move people toward greater wisdom and grace as they age, if they'll allow it.

So let's go, 26. It's party time.