Thursday, December 07, 2006

Knit 4

I have fog in my head tonight, internet, so this will be a rambly post full of sound and no fury, signifying nothing, to satisfy my daily requirement.

Have you met your RDA of Blog today?

My brain is starting to short out from the stress of uncertainty about the house-buying situation. I feel like everything is out of my hands now, and I hate it, the waiting. I mean, there are still little tasks to accomplish, but the big things are rolling, in motion, making the behind-the-scenes secret movements and decisions that determine my fate in this situation.

So I sit and knit, trying to keep my brain occupied on other problems. Trying to maintain the pattern of knit 4, purl 1, knit 4, purl 1, knit 4....

It works really well, actually. I told Mr. Thel last night --"You know what I realized? Knitting is smoking for me. That little habit, that hit, that calms you down and makes you feel more relaxed." I'd cast on a new little project and sat down, and I wasn't more than two rows into it before I felt the difference in my brain. Calm, focus, attention to detail--which keeps me from spinning my gears worrying about things I can't control.

I can control the tension of my yarn, the evenness of my stitches. Knit 4, purl 1. Cable 4, purl 1. I can control which way the cables twist. The sweet softness of the yarn slides through my fingers. Simple project, so I don't have to fiddle with a pattern or get frustrated with mistakes--I completely lose myself in the knitting, give my mind and my fingers to the process.

I'm in charge of these pink fingerless gloves even if I'm in charge of nothing else. I belong to the project as I guide it, letting it guide me out of my pent-up stress and fretfulness into a mindspace of focused precision and control, into a place where I can lay aside my knitting and (I hope) fall into sleep without first lying awake for an hour worrying.